How full is your tank?

We all go through hard times, and as we take inventory of our lives in times of struggle we tend to focus on the behaviours that are "bad". We look for and find what's "wrong" in our actions, behaviours, in how we show up and we think that's an indication of our value.

Sometimes when we are fed up with this cycle, we take action. With an intention to make huge change and revamp our lives so we can finally be free of our struggles and be valuable. We keep our focus on our bad behaviour.  Perhaps we make a plan to replace our "bad" behaviours with "good" behaviours and we go, go, go!! We try to get organised, be kind to others, stop yelling, or being reactive, eat better, exercise, what ever it is. We also tend to use a whole lot of guilt,  shame, judgement and criticism as the fuel for the actions steps.

Then we end up burned out, or get distracted, or have one bad day that turns into a bad week and we decide we've failed.  So here we go again, we take note of all the ways we've screwed up and throw all of that onto the huge old pile of previous "wrong doings" reinforcing all of the things we "know" about ourselves;

"I'll never be enough"

"I have to change, but I'm such a mess I'll never get there"

"I'll never do it right"

This is a never-ending, energy-sucking, life-draining cycle that has never helped us get anywhere. The only place this can ever take us is further away from peace, happiness, and joy!!

This horrible cycle; that I've been stuck in for most of my life and that many of us continue to get sucked into, is the great illusion. That if I just keep going, hard faster, stronger, better I'll finally get there. It is the carrot dangling up ahead but forever out of reach.

I finally realised, after much work on myself, and doing it the old way, that these old patterns had to go. I understood that I was the source of most of my own suffering. I am not the victim of my life, I am the creator of my life, I have the power to radically change my life by radically changing the way I perceived and approached myself and my life.

Interwoven in the fabric of this illusion is the conclusion that "I am not enough" which guarantees that we always and forever be "Not Enough." We are creating that reality with our deep subconscious beliefs of who and what we are. Our perceptions and definitions of ourselves and of life is the determining factor in how we will experience life.

Einstein wrote "You cannot solve a problem using the same thinking that created it"

The truth is there is no destination, we want to feel good but that is not the destination. To be present to our emotions and respond without judgement is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

We are meant to move TOWARD what feels good, what excites us, gives us fulfilment, personal growth, freedom and love; not move AWAY from what feels bad.

I know it seems like the same thing but it is not, they are quite the opposite.  The difference is in where we set our focus and our belief systems.  The basis of this negative cycle is the belief that our negative or positive behaviour and negative or positive emotions are indicators of our self worth, and value. 

Bad Behaviour = Bad Person, Good behaviour = Good person.

This is Not True, and it is a lie we all continue to perpetuate on ourselves and each other.

Our behaviour, and emotions are simply an indicator; 

our "gas gauge" for our "life force energy."

Life force energy is that fuel that allows us to be healthy in body mind and spirit.  No one taught us that our negative behaviour, and our negative emotions are our greatest indicator that we are malnourished in our body mind and soul. When we are depleted, we are stressed, overwhelmed, reactive, hurt, and hurtful, angry, frustrated, etc it feels horrible and so we turn to our addictions to soothe our discomfort and that has us judging ourselves again because we are engaging in "bad behaviours" again, believing we are bad people.... and we end up so drained, so overwhelmed,  so tired. 

When our life force energy "tank" is full, we are happy, joyful, compassionate, loving, giving, forgiving, excited, cooperative, open, connected, inspired, responsive instead of reactive, etc... 

The quickest way to empty your tank is to continually be critical, judgemental, and cruel to ourselves.
Doing the opposite is what is going to open the gates to filling up our own tanks. Knowing that we have value because we were born, that we deserve good things, love, peace, abundance, because we are alive. We don't have to earn it.

Would you tell a baby they have to first prove their worth before you gave them love? Don't we know that those who grew up with a lack of love and security have a hard time living a good and fulfilling life?

Whether our tank is full or empty we are valuable because we exist. Understanding we can only go so far on an empty tank. You wouldn't abandon or give up on a perfectly good vehicle simply because it had an empty tank, you also wouldn't expect that it could just do better just because you knew it was capable without fuelling it up first. 

Yet we do this to ourselves and each other all of the time and its equivalent to siphoning out every last drop of fuel in an attempt to try to fix the gas gauge! 

We end up in a fuel crisis that feeds and breeds, shame, judgement, separation, disconnection, misunderstanding, that all deplete those who partake more and more, creating chaos in our lives and in our world.

The good news is there is fuel everywhere you go, and mostly its within you. It's starts with acknowledging your inherent worth and value as a human being on this planet. 

Weather you feel it or not; simply acknowledge that when you were born you were deserving of love, kindness, sweetness, nourishment, to be taken care of. Then give yourself all of those things now, be your own care giver, and fuel yourself up!

What nourishes your body? 

Eat and drink foods that light you up, that tastes good and makes your body feel good.

What nourishes your mind? 

Where do you need forgiveness, and kindness? Do you need to ask for help to clear out old thought patterns that are creating chaos in your life keeping you stuck believing you don't deserve good things? Recognise the patterns you have that keep you stuck and spinning in struggle

What nourishes your soul? 

What do you believe in? Do you believe you have a soul? Do you believe you have an aspect of you that is connected to your source, your creator, the universe or whatever you choose to call it?
Connect to that part of you and begin and internal communion with your soul and with your source, that can only come from within.

What lights you up!?! 

What is fun and adventurous, what makes you feel free? What feels so good, so nourishing, so amazing to you?

 A good movie, book, connection and intimacy with your partner,  a conversation with a good friend,  the sun,  a long walk in nature, mediation, a long bath.

How about a letter written to you from you about all you admire, respect, appreciate and love, that you would never change about the person you are, where you've come from and where you want to go?

This letter is one of the most powerful tools I've come across. I was so resistant to writing it, to being that kind and compassionate to myself. But when I finally did, not only did I feel better in the moment, and cried as I re-read the kind words on the page; Me finally acknowledging my own strengths, the beautiful aspect of me, and reasons to love myself. It also changed how the people in my life treated me. My husband without any prompting began a conversation with me soon after I wrote myself the letter, and he said, almost word for word, the things that I had written to myself. 

He became a reflection for me of how I was treating myself, and in that moment I really could see; that people around me are always reflecting back to me how I feel about myself.

This is where you start... 

We are all powerful creators of our life, what we focus on grows, what we are doing to ourselves is the biggest factor in weather we are fuelled up or depleted.

When you begin to refuel yourself, by placing your focus on filling up, all of the signs and symptoms of an empty tank begin to fade away, with ease. Naturally you begin to exude all of those behaviours you knew you were capable of that you thought were gone for good. Being present in the moment, responding to others instead of reacting, being kind and peaceful, and being willing to take on new challenges with excitement instead or overwhelm and dread.

What the world needs is more people nourished in their mind, body, and spirit.  

Fill 'er up!!!! 

With much love, 

Alanna