Aug. 31st 2019 Channelling Ananda of the Elohim

      At the end of August I was going through a pain flare. I had just returned from a two week family vacation driving to Toronto and back. The trip was great but my body was not, I had been eating food that I know contributes to my pain flares, and sitting still is one of my bigger triggers. 

       Just before I left on vacation, I had started this channelling practice, and I did as much channelling as I could during the trip, almost daily. I intentionally ask a question to Spirit and listen to receive an answer. Sometimes I record my voice using an app on my phone, sometimes I write it down, sometimes my husband will listen to me talk,  and other times I just listen and know.

      On this day I was feeling awful and I thought perhaps recording a channelling would help me feel better. The recording was slow and choppy and very emotional, there were a lot of pauses where I would cry, or blow my nose, or just try and calm and collect myself. It was not a recording I was going to share but a message definitely came through. I didn't even listen to it then, I just put it away. I came back to it a couple of days ago and finally listened to it. Low and behold the message came through slow enough that it was almost the perfect speed for me to write it down and get the message in writing....so here is the message.

Aug. 31^st , 2019 Channelling Ananda of the Elohim

I asked:   Spirit, Who am I really?  Who is on my team? 

Dear One,

There is trouble with connection…..because of the frequency you are currently in, but this is not permanent and nothing to worry about.

You’re learning to find what helps you focus, writing is distracting…moving your body helps you get into the flow.

I am Ananda of the Elohim

You’d like to meet your team, so that you can know our names and see us clearly, it is not something that you can rush; have patience we are here….

As you know Gia is always with you, Jesus is on your team, there is Sasha your protector and guide, that assists you with self- love and transmuting your inner critic and myself Ananda, you may also hear my name as Anya or Ananya, These names are not important as the feeling, the frequency, the vibration.

When you hear the name Jesus it is clear to you who that is; when you hear Gia (Mother Earth) you have the memory of your first encounter seeing her in an early meditation, and you have familiarity in connecting when you ground yourself and connect to the earth and get that rush of “Mamma Gia” energy, Sasha you met in a guided mediation designed to help you meet your guides and you saw a beautiful vision of a tall Elven Being in a forest with a sword made of light and love that she uses to slice through your self-doubt and critical thoughts. 

But I am less clear to you. I am your higher self, my name is similar you yours, I am Ananda of the Elohim it means “Your God Self.”  The part of you intrinsically connected to all that is, creator, the Universe. I am in, from one perspective, a place that resides much higher than you reside. It feels to you like we are very separate, disconnected sometimes. THIS is NEVER true. I am always with you, you and I are one.

I know it doesn’t feel that way, I know that you feel alone, and this pains me, but because of you, I am learning and growing. Through your experience on earth as human, time and time again, I am more of me, well-rounded, and can see more clearly with greater perspective. I have so much gratitude for you in your life, through your pain, your plight. You are not insignificant. You took on one of my greatest challenges. You feel the pain in your body, you carry much pain from other bodies, you carry much trauma from many other lifetimes. You are here to begin to release that pain and trauma, to integrate the lessons, to remember your truth, remember me.

All of this pain and trauma, it’s not going to be healed all at once, and that is not what is expected of you, but your willingness  to be witness to it, well that is your gift, a gift you give to us your team, to others around you to yourself.

As you’ve gone through dark times that have brought you to this place and time there is the opportunity for the greatest growth. Remember where you’ve been and how far you’ve come and again you don’t have to know all of it now, it will be shown to you at appropriate times.

Just keep living your life, finding joy, following your excitement, trusting yourself, knowing that you are deeply loved, and you are a part of something greater.

There’s no need to compare yourself to others, though I know that seems impossible…you’re afraid that you’ll be stuck between self-righteousness and self-doubt (self-negating). Which really are two sides of the same coin as you say, and you’d love to get rid of that coin…..That we can work on, that we can help you with.

What is on the other side?  Who would you be without that coin? Without those opposing contrasting ideas? Being better than everyone else and then worse than everyone? If these thoughts were not swirling around in your mind, in your body, what is left? What is there on the other side of these ideas?

The truth is that these ideas are like a trap, a self-imposed prison a self-perpetuating construct keeping you swirling round and round, in anxiety, judgement, stress, overwhelm, impossible to get out of if you continue to play these thoughts over in your mind.

The way out is intrinsic; it’s with in you, it’s frequency, it’s vibration, it’s freedom. The idea of letting go, being free, releasing yourself from a cage, stepping out into the sunlight, seeing clearly, stopping thoughts, allowing peace, meditation.

The more you do this the closer to your truth you will be. The more clearly you can channel us, your guides, and your soul.

It’s a challenge that you are up to, there’s no time line and you have already begun.

Blessing Dear One

How full is your tank?

We all go through hard times, and as we take inventory of our lives in times of struggle we tend to focus on the behaviours that are "bad". We look for and find what's "wrong" in our actions, behaviours, in how we show up and we think that's an indication of our value.

Sometimes when we are fed up with this cycle, we take action. With an intention to make huge change and revamp our lives so we can finally be free of our struggles and be valuable. We keep our focus on our bad behaviour.  Perhaps we make a plan to replace our "bad" behaviours with "good" behaviours and we go, go, go!! We try to get organised, be kind to others, stop yelling, or being reactive, eat better, exercise, what ever it is. We also tend to use a whole lot of guilt,  shame, judgement and criticism as the fuel for the actions steps.

Then we end up burned out, or get distracted, or have one bad day that turns into a bad week and we decide we've failed.  So here we go again, we take note of all the ways we've screwed up and throw all of that onto the huge old pile of previous "wrong doings" reinforcing all of the things we "know" about ourselves;

"I'll never be enough"

"I have to change, but I'm such a mess I'll never get there"

"I'll never do it right"

This is a never-ending, energy-sucking, life-draining cycle that has never helped us get anywhere. The only place this can ever take us is further away from peace, happiness, and joy!!

This horrible cycle; that I've been stuck in for most of my life and that many of us continue to get sucked into, is the great illusion. That if I just keep going, hard faster, stronger, better I'll finally get there. It is the carrot dangling up ahead but forever out of reach.

I finally realised, after much work on myself, and doing it the old way, that these old patterns had to go. I understood that I was the source of most of my own suffering. I am not the victim of my life, I am the creator of my life, I have the power to radically change my life by radically changing the way I perceived and approached myself and my life.

Interwoven in the fabric of this illusion is the conclusion that "I am not enough" which guarantees that we always and forever be "Not Enough." We are creating that reality with our deep subconscious beliefs of who and what we are. Our perceptions and definitions of ourselves and of life is the determining factor in how we will experience life.

Einstein wrote "You cannot solve a problem using the same thinking that created it"

The truth is there is no destination, we want to feel good but that is not the destination. To be present to our emotions and respond without judgement is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

We are meant to move TOWARD what feels good, what excites us, gives us fulfilment, personal growth, freedom and love; not move AWAY from what feels bad.

I know it seems like the same thing but it is not, they are quite the opposite.  The difference is in where we set our focus and our belief systems.  The basis of this negative cycle is the belief that our negative or positive behaviour and negative or positive emotions are indicators of our self worth, and value. 

Bad Behaviour = Bad Person, Good behaviour = Good person.

This is Not True, and it is a lie we all continue to perpetuate on ourselves and each other.

Our behaviour, and emotions are simply an indicator; 

our "gas gauge" for our "life force energy."

Life force energy is that fuel that allows us to be healthy in body mind and spirit.  No one taught us that our negative behaviour, and our negative emotions are our greatest indicator that we are malnourished in our body mind and soul. When we are depleted, we are stressed, overwhelmed, reactive, hurt, and hurtful, angry, frustrated, etc it feels horrible and so we turn to our addictions to soothe our discomfort and that has us judging ourselves again because we are engaging in "bad behaviours" again, believing we are bad people.... and we end up so drained, so overwhelmed,  so tired. 

When our life force energy "tank" is full, we are happy, joyful, compassionate, loving, giving, forgiving, excited, cooperative, open, connected, inspired, responsive instead of reactive, etc... 

The quickest way to empty your tank is to continually be critical, judgemental, and cruel to ourselves.
Doing the opposite is what is going to open the gates to filling up our own tanks. Knowing that we have value because we were born, that we deserve good things, love, peace, abundance, because we are alive. We don't have to earn it.

Would you tell a baby they have to first prove their worth before you gave them love? Don't we know that those who grew up with a lack of love and security have a hard time living a good and fulfilling life?

Whether our tank is full or empty we are valuable because we exist. Understanding we can only go so far on an empty tank. You wouldn't abandon or give up on a perfectly good vehicle simply because it had an empty tank, you also wouldn't expect that it could just do better just because you knew it was capable without fuelling it up first. 

Yet we do this to ourselves and each other all of the time and its equivalent to siphoning out every last drop of fuel in an attempt to try to fix the gas gauge! 

We end up in a fuel crisis that feeds and breeds, shame, judgement, separation, disconnection, misunderstanding, that all deplete those who partake more and more, creating chaos in our lives and in our world.

The good news is there is fuel everywhere you go, and mostly its within you. It's starts with acknowledging your inherent worth and value as a human being on this planet. 

Weather you feel it or not; simply acknowledge that when you were born you were deserving of love, kindness, sweetness, nourishment, to be taken care of. Then give yourself all of those things now, be your own care giver, and fuel yourself up!

What nourishes your body? 

Eat and drink foods that light you up, that tastes good and makes your body feel good.

What nourishes your mind? 

Where do you need forgiveness, and kindness? Do you need to ask for help to clear out old thought patterns that are creating chaos in your life keeping you stuck believing you don't deserve good things? Recognise the patterns you have that keep you stuck and spinning in struggle

What nourishes your soul? 

What do you believe in? Do you believe you have a soul? Do you believe you have an aspect of you that is connected to your source, your creator, the universe or whatever you choose to call it?
Connect to that part of you and begin and internal communion with your soul and with your source, that can only come from within.

What lights you up!?! 

What is fun and adventurous, what makes you feel free? What feels so good, so nourishing, so amazing to you?

 A good movie, book, connection and intimacy with your partner,  a conversation with a good friend,  the sun,  a long walk in nature, mediation, a long bath.

How about a letter written to you from you about all you admire, respect, appreciate and love, that you would never change about the person you are, where you've come from and where you want to go?

This letter is one of the most powerful tools I've come across. I was so resistant to writing it, to being that kind and compassionate to myself. But when I finally did, not only did I feel better in the moment, and cried as I re-read the kind words on the page; Me finally acknowledging my own strengths, the beautiful aspect of me, and reasons to love myself. It also changed how the people in my life treated me. My husband without any prompting began a conversation with me soon after I wrote myself the letter, and he said, almost word for word, the things that I had written to myself. 

He became a reflection for me of how I was treating myself, and in that moment I really could see; that people around me are always reflecting back to me how I feel about myself.

This is where you start... 

We are all powerful creators of our life, what we focus on grows, what we are doing to ourselves is the biggest factor in weather we are fuelled up or depleted.

When you begin to refuel yourself, by placing your focus on filling up, all of the signs and symptoms of an empty tank begin to fade away, with ease. Naturally you begin to exude all of those behaviours you knew you were capable of that you thought were gone for good. Being present in the moment, responding to others instead of reacting, being kind and peaceful, and being willing to take on new challenges with excitement instead or overwhelm and dread.

What the world needs is more people nourished in their mind, body, and spirit.  

Fill 'er up!!!! 

With much love, 

Alanna

3 Step Process

 I wrote this post months ago but was still not able to share it until now.... I feel like it's about time to get back into it, and share my truth again. I stopped because I couldn't handle sharing the messiness of my life, I was afraid and that's OK! I was being way too self-critical was stopping me from moving forward.... so today, here' goes!

Wow what a morning I've had! 

I sit here in awe of the magic of my life and the awesomeness of the universe. So grateful to be in this body, in this life, in this world at this time in our history. I am just fired up and so ready to get going!

Yesterday I wasn't feeling this way, I was tired and sad and feeling stuck....again :P

Yesterday for me was a big day of receiving Life coaching and Energy work from two of my mentors and dear friends. Melissa Simonson and Tracy Reifferscheid. So much was coming up but it was very hard for me to separate it all, I was in this place where all of the negative self-talk and fears and doubts were piling up into one big impossible-to-tackle ball and I was left feeling overwhelmed and like giving up.

This morning I couldn't sleep past 5am.... too much chatter in my head, my dreams kept me feeling like I was in the world of The Walking Dead always something to be afraid of, something that could jump out and attack me at any moment sure to consume me.(Yuck!)

 So how did I get from there to here? I'll tell you!

It's the Three Step Process

I learned it when I attended Inner Mean Girl Reform School, created by Amy Ahlers and Christine Arylo Click on the link to find out more! It's all about how to take your power back from that Inner Critical voice who takes up too much space in your head leaving you feeling horrible.

This is not an easy thing to do but it is SO POWERFUL and worth it and I encourage you all to try it on your own. I tend to forget to do this process in my life and when I leave it too long things tend to pile up and I feel overwhelmed and like it's all too much to handle....and I notice it's because I have this Big Fat Lie running in my head:

That if I admit to the critical things I say to myself it will solidify that I'm bad or wrong. 

The TRUTH is that I am saying this stuff to myself constantly without being fully aware or conscious of it, and denying it is what adds to the problem... what you Resist Persists. These unconscious thoughts that are being ignored and denied then build and build until that's all there is room for in my mind so they take over and take all of my power away from choosing another perception. 

Choosing to make time to become aware of and listen to my Inner Critic is actually the thing that gives me power back. 

Allowing all of my fears and worries and self-criticism to be expressed, is like turning on the pressure release valve, loosening the grip and pressure of these negative thoughts  creating room for another perspective, the point of view of my Inner Wisdom.

Each step of the 3 step process is important because, it's the writing out and acknowledging the Inner Critic that creates room for our Inner Wisdom to step in. If you skip the Inner Critic part you're Inner Wisdom has no room in your head. 

This is a powerful process that leaves you feeling empowered and not defined by the words of the Inner Critic in your head.

The 3 Step Process:

Step 1 Notice where you are being really hard on yourself and Listening to the Inner Critic, giving her(it) the floor and keep going until everything has been said(the Inner Critic likes to speak in absolutes, using words like you ALWAYS and you NEVER the Inner Critic feeds you fear and lies believing it's protecting you from pain and rejection from past hurts that are no longer present in your life,  it is an automatic program that reacts in situations that feel similar to past events that felt threatening in your life)
Step 2 Take a few deep breaths, Tuning into your Inner Wisdom(that unconditionally loving compassionate voice inside) discover what your TRUTH really is, let your inner wisdom have her say.
Step 3 Read out loud the Inner Wisdom to yourself and use a physical gesture to make the words stick on a physical level (I use my hand on my heart)

This is what I found this morning in my Three Step Process, **warning my Inner Critic swears like a sailor and is really mean!**

Step 1 - Notice: Where am I being really hard on myself right now?

In my relationships 

And Tune into to that Inner Critical Voice: What does your Inner Critic have to say about how you are showing up in your relationships?

You're fucking up big time, You're always so reactive and never present. you're missing out on huge opportunities to connect and grow. You should just hide yourself and protect everyone from your crazy shit! You're going to screw up and say it wrong, do it wrong, look at how you're already doing that!
You made this person feel stupid, judged and criticised, You made that person feel less than, judged and stupid, you made another person feel little, wrong and incapable.
You do more damage than you do good. You are condescending rude and you can't control yourself. You either walk all over them or you let them walk all over you. It's crazy that you can't find a balance, what the hell is wrong with you?
You keep pushing people away, you should be ashamed, what the hell kind of a "Life Coach" is so screwed up? You should really just give up, you'll never get it.You're going to hurt people.
(NOTE: When you think it's done I encourage you to write "And another thing" and keep it going, using this opens up more possible ways to express where you are being hard on yourself)
And another thing, everyone is better at this than you are, you should be embarrassed for even trying.
You keep looking outside of yourself for validation! I would too if I were you just look at all the mean shit you say to yourself! No wonder you treat other people like shit!
You suck at self-love and that's your "passion"?!? What the hell are you doing!?? Stop! and go hide in a hole somewhere!

Step 2 - What does my inner wisdom have to say about all of this??(Taking a deep breath or two and calming my self I tune into that voice of compassion and unconditional love and ask her what she has to say about all that my Inner Critic's threw at me.)

 I am being much too hard on myself right now and it is hard to see all of the love and light that surround me right now in this moment. The Truth is; I am precious, sweet, gentle and loving.
There is so much love and support around me in the energetic world and also in my relationships in the physical world. My hard work, courage and discipline is paying off, I've committed to personal growth, openness, curiosity, love and compassion. In my true essence I am whole and healed. I am meant to go through these challenges to grow from and share my experience of all of the facets of self-love.  Self-Love is not a destination; It is a process and a practice, a commitment to be present and to become aware of the choices I make that are no longer serving me. Without making room for setbacks and mistakes there is no growth or forward movement, only spinning wheels overwhelm and feeling stuck.
It takes great courage to be authentic and open and honest with myself. Looking deeply into why I feel the way I do. I am exactly where I need to be and in a great moment of personal growth, I am so proud of me. Expecting perfection is not serving me, personal growth and self-love are messy and chaotic, it can sometimes feel like everything is falling apart, but I know that this is a good thing because this "falling apart" is actually a "falling away" of old patterns that are no longer needed. I am NOT defined by my mistakes, I will be affected only by how I embrace or deny them.
I allow this process to be messy and bumpy, and I move with the ebb and flow of letting go the pieces of my psyche that are ready to fall away. The more I embrace the messiness the more I can see the beautiful symphony of chaos and order, perfect imperfections and messy organisation. I then become aware that I am not the organizing force; My role is to embrace, trust, and allow this flow to wash away and move me through it, to come out on the other side more fully myself, lit up and standing in my power.
I am a powerful force of healing and nurturing. I offer these gifts first to myself, allow myself to feel whole and healed and perfectly imperfect with nothing that needs to be changed or tweaked, allowing my flaws to be embraced and not judged. I then show up as a powerful force of healing and nurturing for others.
With deep understanding and in awe of my radiance... I love me!

Step 3 - With my hand on my heart I reread out loud the awesomeness my Inner Wisdom shared ....I am now feeling much more open and receptive to the love of my spiritual team and the people in my life.

So here I am embracing the mess, moving with the flow and allowing it to wash away the stuck and spinning wheels... YAY!

Both my Inner critic and Inner Wisdom are aspects of me so they both like to talk a lot and use a lot of words! Just like me! Your process might look very simple and short and that's ok, what's important is this process is that in each area you are being really honest and speaking what feels true to you!

Now go give it a try! and please tell me how it goes! Leave a comment below or email me or message me on Facebook I would love to be witness of your awesomeness in your journey!

Thanks to everyone who I can feel in my corner, who support me and love me flaws and all!
I feel blessed to be able to share this with you!
I love you!

Alanna

Reiki Practitioner, Speaker, Life Coach
www.shiftingperceptions.ca

https://www.facebook.com/alanna.bergquist

Stuck on Repeat

It feels like I've been stuck on repeat for some time, but it goes to show that "you will be presented the same lesson until it is learned."

My Inner Critic has been at it again filling my head with critical judgements and I've been letting it. I’ve been falling for those old fears; those old patterned belief systems that say  "I can’t do it, I can’t handle it, I’ll let everyone down, I’ll never amount to anything, I might as well just quit" 

"If I want to help others get unstuck and create the life they want, I should be able to do it myself right?" "and since I can't it means I SUCK so I'd better stop trying"

My pattern is to give up, to stop trying, procrastinating and putting many things on hold, I've experienced a lack of focus, feelings of overwhelm, frustration, and anger. I've been overreacting to my husband, and yelling at my kids, things I swore I was done with. And meanwhile I've been using all these things against myself, like I'm gathering the evidence of these "failures" to prove my belief system. "You suck, you should stop trying"

Feeling like a victim of my own critical thoughts...

There was an illusion; That to acknowledge my fears that I'm not enough and I can't would make them real.

Moving through life without questioning those fears, is what lead to my behaviours, this victim mentality, that I am a victim of my own critical thoughts and I have no power to change them, the build up of anxiety, stress overwhelm, and showing up as outburst of anger or numbing the overwhelm. 

I have learned that I am powerful and I can take back control of my life from my fears. In order to do this I must get curious about my fears. Not judge them and try to banish them, but to sit with them, listen to and aknowledge them. Then question their "trueness".

No one can do it for me, I must be responsible to my fears. Being "able to respond" to my fears instead of being in resistance and reaction to my fears. 

The most exciting and freeing thing I've learned is that none of us have to break free of them alone. I must do the work but not without support and love and nurturing from others. 

Over the last few weeks and months I've reached out to friends and other energy workers and life coaches that I trust.  To help me see the illusion for what is was.

When I only see life through the eyes of my Inner Critic, I am blind to all the wonderful awesome things in my life and in myself, it keeps me in reaction and resistance to myself and every one around me. I am cut off from my Inner Wisdom. 

The Inner Wisdom is the part of us that only sees us in a loving, gentle, positive light.... That's the place that healing comes from.

Surrounding myself with others that see me this way is what helped jump-start that connection again. I remembered that, the way back to my Inner Wisdom is by facing my fears, laying them out letting them be heard. Doing this releases the pressure, the panic goes away and I make room for another perspective, the perspective of my own Inner Wisdom, one of clarity, a bigger picture, of Truth.

I acknowledge that avoiding my fear does not keep my dreams alive but only serves to further diminish them, by keeping me feeling small and insignificant I am unwilling to take action toward what I want to create.

  "You miss 100% of the shots you never take." (Wayne Gretzky)

Instead of seeing this as a failure I now see it as a lesson to be learned more fully, forgive myself and believe and trust in myself again.

I needed to be reminded that I already am the things I wish to be. I am loving, compassionate, fair, I am a healer, creating a sacred space for others so they can discover their own true beautiful selves that I have the ability to see, and I am making a difference in this world.

At the same time I am also human, with fears that can create illusions, I can show up as judgemental, quick tempered and cruel, I can get lost in wanting to please everyone and have everyone like me.

I am everything. I am beautifully, humanly flawed.

Experiencing the things we do not want in our life one really effective way we discover what it is we truly do want. 

I think that what makes us human :)

With so much love and gratitude to those of you who helped me through these past few months and to those of you who continue to return to this blog.

I am honored to share my journey with you!

((Big hugs))

Alanna
Reiki Practitioner, Speaker, Life Coach
www.shiftingperceptions.ca

A Broken Heart

This past April, I woke up from a dream where I was 11 years old again. I was with a couple of my best friends and we were running all over that wooden fort in the park across from my old house. I was in that 11 year old body again and I felt the feelings she felt once again. 

I got a flood of memories that took me back to 1992/93, my grade six year, and a sweet boy that I had an incredible crush on.

In grade 6 there was a new boy in town, Dustin Reilly, and he quickly became one of my best friends. All of the kids in Lanigan seemed to like Dustin, he fit in to our group of friends and we all thought he was so cool. I remember spending hours with him telling each other jokes, cussing, climbing trees, spinning crazy fast on the tire swing. And I was falling in love. Not only was he tall, handsome and mature but also funny, sweet, and wise. I don't know if he was book smart but he was life smart; he had a compassion and understanding that was beyond any boy my age and I was in heaven spending as much time with him as I could.

I realize I had been hiding these memories from myself for fear of having a broken heart.

During that time another one of my best friends, Trisha, also liked Dustin. I think I helped set them up. At this time in my life the thoughts I had about it was something like "Of course Trisha's the one who should be with him, she’s beautiful, smart, funny and the only other wise person my age, it's only right that these two should be together" It wasn’t jealousy or callous it was just how I thought life was. Though I loved her dearly, I didn't think I was anything like Trisha; she was amazing and I was nobody…right?

I realise now, how negative my self-perception was. I felt invisible and insignificant. I thought I was just a silly little tom-girl, with no wisdom, no coolness, with nothing of value to offer. And so to protect myself, I didn't allow my heart to break when Dustin and Trisha started "going out".

Then at the grade 6, 7 & 8 Dance I had a meltdown in the girl’s bathroom and I couldn't figure out why. Trisha came with me and helped me talk it through. I finally had to admit to her and to myself, that I really liked Dustin and that I wish I could be the one going out with him. So what did she do? Right away she went to Dustin and broke up with him. (Wow! Talk about a great friend) But, I didn't want her to break up with him for me; I don't really know what I wanted.

There were some HUGE emotions welling up in me and at the tender age of 11 I just didn't have a clue what they meant or what to do with them. Later in the night Dustin came over to me, he smiled at me and he told me that Trisha broke up with him because she thought I liked him, he asked me what I thought about that, and I made a big mistake, I pretended I didn't know what he was talking about I said something like "Really?! That's weird"

When the events that happen around us don’t line up with what we believe is possible in the world, our mind tends to make up something else. Trisha loved me and was letting me know that she would never let a boy get between our friendship, but I didn’t think I was worthy of that kind of friendship from her, so that is not what I thought happened.

The story my mind made up was something more like this:         

"What Trisha and Dustin did for me was pity, I deserve pity, I'm a poor silly little girl that doesn't deserve true love and respect but does deserve pity"  I did not believe I was worthy of anything else.

After that night I didn't spend as much time with Dustin, I felt embarrassed and awkward around him.  Then he moved away, I never let him know how I really felt about him and I never knew how he really felt about me. I never opened myself up for fear of a broken heart that I didn't think I could handle.

And now I realize it broke anyway, this past April as I woke from my dream and thought about this story, my heart broke and I cried for the 11 year old girl still inside of me. There was a wave of loss and regret for the missed opportunity to show up the way I really wanted to, to share my love and true friendship with both Trisha and Dustin. Then I had another wave of intense emotion; I felt an incredible sense of gratitude for the lesson these memories brought, and for the realisation of all of the love and respect that was there from these two incredible friends, that just couldn't see before.

This was an incredible gift because about 9 years later in 2002 we lost Trisha in a car accident just before her 20th birthday. I won't have the opportunity to tell her this story and the lessons I learned or how much I appreciated her and loved her. But somehow I know that she’s with me, and I believe she had something to do with bringing me the dream that brought these memories to the surface.

I see the lessons before me. I want to live my life knowing I deserve good things so that I can see them when they happen and allow my life to fill with gratitude and joy. Instead of creating some story about how I don’t deserve good things, overwhelming my life with shame, disconnection, and rejection. I thought I had to Do, Be, or Have more in order to deserve the good, but that was all a Big Fat Lie! All I have to do to deserve the good is believe that I deserve the good.

This pattern has given me everything I no longer want in my life, I want to release it but first I want to extend an apology. To Dustin, to Trisha, to me and to everyone that has touched my life. To those I love and those I was too afraid to even say hello to….I am so sorry for all of the times in my life that I was so busy believing I didn’t deserve it that I didn't stop and appreciate what you were giving me. I am sorry for the times I believed that I didn’t have anything of value to give, so I kept my love from you. I am so sorry.

Sometimes, I think the best thing someone can say to another person is..."Me too!" and so if any of this resonates with you, know you are not alone. :)

I’ve slowly come to realise, that I am an amazing person even with all of my flaws. I have an incredible capacity for love, compassion and for sharing my story. When I show up in my life being exactly who I am, that is the best gift I can give to those I love and those I serve. There have been times in my life that I have been able to just be myself without a worry about having to be more, many of those times were as a small child with one of my best friends, Trisha. This whole realisation just makes all of those moments even more special and fills my heart with so much gratitude. I wish I could have told her before...

I really do deserve love and belonging and so do you, we just have to decide to believe it.

With so much love,

Alanna
Reiki Practitioner, Serenity Life Coach
www.shiftingperceptions.ca
send me an email at shiftingperceptionsalanna@gmail.com

Is Happiness Hard?

In August I was sitting around a camp fire with some family having a conversation about happiness. Yes my family ROCKS:). My younger cousin said something that I have been thinking about ever since, what she said was that “happiness is hard” to which I replied “happiness is a choice.”

And I feel like I owe her an apology.

The reason I want to apologise is because my saying that may have implied that because I believe happiness is a choice it means it's not hard. And so I want to say to her "I’m sorry, you are right, happiness is hard"

Happiness and joy are some of the hardest things for us to feel and it’s what we are all searching for.  I do not believe there is one person in this world that is always happy in every moment, everything would just be the same all of the time no ups, no downs. So instead we seem to find fleeting moments of happiness and joy and spend the rest of the time searching for more of these moments... 

The reason happiness is hard is because we believe it is something that happens to us and not something we can create for ourselves. 

I think we need to learn to shift from feeling the victim of a life that only gives us a few moments of joy to feeling like we are capable of learning and adopting the tools that cultivate happiness and joy in our lives. 

I do believe happiness is a choice; it’s a conscious decision to create and cultivate more of what brings happiness in your life.

It's a PROCESS of learning how to live a wholehearted life (a life that cultivates joy and happiness).
Watch Brene Brown's video about Wholeheartedness

Just like learning to play a musical instrument is a process.

You can see an amazing guitar player and wish and hope and pray that you could play like that but those wishes and thoughts alone will NOT make you a guitar player. That is only the FIRST step. The NEXT step is to take action toward your goal… it’s when you decide to pick up a guitar and invest time and/or money into lessons.  The 3rd step is a commitment to practice, practice, practice, to create the space in your life to learn this new skill you so badly want. And WHEN you want to give up because it is HARD to learn a new skill and everyone comes to a point when it feels “too hard to keep going” when it feels like “maybe it’s not worth all the fuss.” Some of us will stop at this point believing it is worse to try and fail than to stop trying, give up, hide, or numb. (Here's where we can learn to cultivate the Courage to Dare Greatly.)

To keep moving forward the last step in this cyclical process is to PAUSE and REFLECT on your WHY...you remember how important it is for you to have this skill, you think about what it will cost you if you don’t gain this skill and then you think about what you will gain if you do.  You go back to the time when you could only pluck a few strings, and you see how far you’ve come and this shows you how capable you are to do this, you find a renewed sense of motivation and inspiration and you start again.

This is how bringing more happiness into my life has worked. I've learned that happiness is not a destination but a life skill, actually a whole set of life skills.

This is the the cyclical process that I will use as a Serenity Life Coach. To help people discover where they want to be and support them and guide them as they create a plan to develop the skills they are looking for. I create a safe place to pause and reflect when it gets hard and I help them remember their WHY so they can be inspired and ready to start again.
They move forward feeling empowered instead of feeling stuck and overwhelmed.

If you're like me you might like things in list form here's my Process:

1. Inspired and Motivated to Make a Change
2. Take action toward change, Invest time and/or Money toward learning a new skill
3. Commit to Practice, Create Space to Learn
4. It Get's Hard
5. Pause and Reflect, Remember Your Why
6. Start Again Inspired and Motivated.

***Notice "It Get's Hard" is part of the process, it is a very important signal for us to stop, to rest and to reflect.

Below is a List of the Life Skills that cultivate HAPPINESS in our lives created by Brené Brown.
 

In  her book Daring Greatly she lists 10 “guideposts” for Whole Hearted Living, that point to what wholehearted people work to cultivate in their lives and what they work to let go of in order to live a life that creates space for happiness and joy.

1. Cultivating Authenticity:  Letting Go of what People Think
2. Cultivation Self-compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism
3. Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness
4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark
5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need for Certainty
6. Cultivating Creativity: Letting Go of Comparison
7. Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting go of Exhaustion as a status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth
8. Cultivating calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a lifestyle   
9. Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self-Doubt and “Supposed To"
10. Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance: Letting Go of Being Cool and “Always in Control”

(Most days I'm great at 5 and 10 the rest I am getting better at everyday)
 

I am sharing this list because of all of the lists I have seen out there on “Habits of Happy people” or “10 things you need to do to be happy” This list is the most REAL to me, it is the one that I resonate with the most and the one that I go back to time and time again for inspiration and motivation STEP NUMBER ONE in my process….I hope it might be able to do that for you too.


 (If you like the list I would recommend picking up her book Daring Greatly- Brené Brown and watching her TED Talk video The Power of Vulnerability.)

Much Love,

Alanna

Serenity Life Coach, Reiki Practitioner, Speaker

Check out my website: www.shiftingperceptions.ca
Contact shiftingperceptionsalanna@gmail.com

What Are You Rushing?

We planted an apple tree this spring.

It's a small little baby tree right now but I know eventually it will grow and produce some delicious apples because that's what apple trees do!

We wanted the kids to be involved in the planting process because we imagine this tree will "grow up" with our kids.  Andrew helped us dig a hole and Jessica played with all of the rocks we pulled out of the ground making room for this little tree, and it has become Andrew's job to water the tree, which he takes very seriously. We told him about how one day this tree will grow apples that we can eat right off the tree, or we can pick them to make apple pies and crisps and our very own apple juice. He was very excited and couldn't wait for the apples to grow, we told him it might take a few years to produce apples and that right now we just have to make sure the tree gets plenty of water so it can be healthy.


The other day as we were backing out of our driveway headed to do some visiting, Andrew looks over and catches a glimpse of the tree in our front yard, and he says "C'mon tree grow grow grow!! I want to eat some apples", then he turns to me and says "Awe Mom, that apple tree is never gonna grow apples, ever!" Now he's only 3 & 1/2  and the concept of taking a few years for apples to produce is quite a difficult thing for him to understand, so I tried to think of a better way to explain it to him.

I told him that right now the tree is very busy doing something else under the ground. He was very surprised to hear this, he said "What is it doing under ground?" I explained that the very first thing a tree must do is grow roots, that grow wide and deep helping the tree suck up all the water and nutrients from the soil. I also told him that these roots help keep the tree stuck in place so that it would not blow away in the wind.  "Blow away!?" he said "Just like my kite blew up and over the neighbours house and we never saw it again?" He completely understood the concept how important is was for this tree to have strong roots so that our tree would not blow away like his kite had.

 I told him that right now if you want to encourage the tree to do something, tell it it grown strong roots that keep it healthy and stuck in the ground so it will never blow away.  Water the tree to be sure it has enough of what it needs to grow, and once our little tree has enough roots it will start to grow strong and tall and produce lots and lots of apples for years to come.

As I was explaining this to him I realised I needed to follow my own advice and the apple tree became a metaphor for something in my own life that I have been trying to rush.

As I begin this journey of building a business based around my passion and I think about this metaphor I see how often I rush myself and rush the process, I want to see the end result now. I have said just about the exact same thing Andrew said about the tree but about my business, "Oh this thing is never going to work, ever!"I want to see all of the people I will help, I want to see myself making enough money to help support my family. I get caught up in focusing on what I don't have yet, forgetting that I am exactly where I need to be to grow what I desire.

I have planted the tree (my desire to build a business around my passion), I need to allow time to nourish and grow my roots to spread out far and wide and deep so that this desire of a business will not blow over with the first big wind that comes my way.

For me what I imagine this nourishing and growing looks like is this:

• Continue doing the work in my own life that I want to share with the world.
• Put myself out there so I can see what the needs are for the people I want to help and how I can meet those needs.
• Make some goals and get clear with what I want so I can see the steps I need to take now to get there.
• Know that what I want is possible, encourage myself to keep going.
• Look for things that are getting in the way of my personal growth and expansion, to be able to move them.
• Focus on what I already have that is supporting me.
• Knowing that I have the time and space to grow in what ever way I need to.
• Enjoy the journey, take it one step at a time, see the beauty in every step, celebrate the little growths and forwards movements.

What is your apple tree? What is it that you want it to produce in your life that you have been rushing?

Today I want to remind you to take the time to witness that it's all there in your desire and what this desire needs now is to be nourished and encouraged and allowed the time to grow some roots so that it will not blow away with the first wind that comes along.

Let me know in the comments below what you have been rushing.

Much love to you,

Alanna
Reiki Practitioner, Speaker, Life Coach
www.shiftingperceptions.ca
send me an email at shiftingperceptionsalanna@gmail.com