What Do You Do?

  I came across this You Tube video called How to Find Your Life Purpose in 5 minutes or less, and guess what? I found my life purpose in less than five minutes!

As I watched this video and the guy started asking his 5 questions:
1. Who are you?
2. What do you do?
3. Who do you do it for?
4. What do those people want or need?
5. What do those people get out of it or how do they change as a result?

  My answers came to me so fast, so easily, effortlessly, and I was so excited! I thought OMG I've been trying to narrow this down to only a few paragraphs for years and I just couldn't make it fit all nice and short and sweet and then, voila, there it was in front of me in the pages of my journal.

Who am I?
Alanna

What do I do?

 I share my personal story of finding and owning my own power and teach the tools I used to help me find it.
I give talks to groups of like-minded women or health care workers, I sit one on one with women giving them personalised guidance to let them listen to their own hearts, and I share my journey and personal story on line.
Who do I do it for?

People who like myself are searching for meaning and something greater in their lives and are looking for some tools to apply in their own lives to feel empowered instead of overwhelmed.

What is the change they see as a result?

 They go out into the world and make a powerfully positive impact in the lives of those they love, care for and serve.
 

I got so excited, I shared my new found purpose with my husband, my closest friends, my family, and then...

I had a melt down. This melt down made me feel very vulnerable and exposed and after reading Brené Brown's book Daring Greatly I realised it was a vulnerability hang over.(she talks about her vulnerability hangover on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday)

It's what happens when you open your heart and share something very intimate and personal with people, and you care about their reaction and you wonder if you should have shared or not. Then your Inner Critic (or Inner Mean Girl as one course I took called it) creeps into your head and fills it up with all kinds of scary thoughts like:

"Did you really just say that to them? They are going to think you are a freak!"
and
"You silly little girl who do you think you are!?"

  I started to get full of anxiety and my sense of excitement that I had right after I found my purpose was shaken down to worry, anxiety, and overwhelm. And I realised then, why it had taken me so long to discover my purpose and to get it down to a nice simple paragraph, my Inner Critic was SO AFRAID!!! This Inner Voice inside me that thinks I'm nobody special. I have had this very deep seated fear that I am not special, I do not make a difference, and I don't have what it takes to do the things that could make a difference.
 
  It was a bit of a breakdown spiritual awakening :). After receiving the feedback from my friends and family (who were all supportive and excited for me) then I asked for more reassurance and received some excellent advice from my brother, finally I started to settle down and settle into having a conversation with my Inner Critic. I did this because after 5 years on this journey of personal growth, I know the most direct route to the other side of fear, pain and discomfort is to go right to the source.

  Our Inner Critics voice likes to play tapes over and over in our subconscious that remain on a loop until we shine a light of awareness on it. These thoughts come from the place of our deepest and innermost fears, they are usually started in us as children and we carry them with us unknowingly into adulthood, having these negative thought patterns is what causes us all of the pain, stress, and discomfort in our lives. Anytime you are feeling shitty about yourself, I guarantee you it's because of an Inner Critic's Tape. The interesting part is that this voice is actually there trying to protect us, it is trying to keep us away from heartbreak, hurt and judgement, the problem is it usually causes more damage than it saves.

So I sat down with my trusty journal and asked my Critic a question...What are you really afraid of? and the answers sounded like this:

Think of all the expectations that will be on you if you admit that this is your purpose, now you'll have to do something to try to be special and we both know you ain't special sweet cheeks. You don't work hard enough, you are too spiritual and "woo hoo" out there, you are not an intellectual, you won't be respected and they're gonna laugh at you.
AND
Even if you do start showing up in your life fully, vulnerably, authentically and powerfully you're going to scare everyone away because sure maybe at some level, you're ready to shift but you'll be alone while you do it. If you step into your power you will stand out, be special be different from everyone else, you'll either intimidate or alienate those you love.

I've recently discovered the source of this pattern (that I may share in a future blog) swinging from one extreme to the next. I'm either LESS THAN or BETTER THAN the other people in my life and I have a hard time staying in the space of EQUAL to. Inner Mean Girl Reform School calls that a comparison queen archetype. It's a pattern I see now, I recognise it as one of the most damaging and destructive thought patterns I have (so far). This has kept me from loving fully, being the kind of person I want to be.

Once I spent the time and had the patience to listen to my deepest fears, my critic started to settle down and I was able to access my Inner Wisdom, the part of me that only speaks from a place of love, compassion and understanding. I asked "What is the truth?"and my answer was this:
I am not protecting myself from disconnection, hurt, and heartbreak by staying small and unseen, I am actually creating a disconnection from my true self which in turn, negatively affects every relationship I have.
Choosing to stand in my power and trust that who I am and what I bring to the world is important will be a reflection to others of what is also possible within them. It does not guarantee that others will follow me, it won't protect me from judgement and criticism, but I will know that I am living a life in line with my values.
I am an amazing person, I have an incredible capacity for love and compassion and when I show up in my life being exactly who I am, that is the best gift I can give to those I love, and those I serve and that is true for everyone.

This whole process has been a practise I continue to develop and grow that started five years ago. I attending the Choices Seminars, several on-line courses like IMG Reform School, read books, watched many TED talks and YouTubeVideos, applied EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), meditations, and hypnosis. What I've found is that all of the tools are similar or overlap and work so well together. I continue to search for and try new tools to find what works for me and what doesn't. I encourage you to do the same, to keep searching to keep looking for something that resonates with you and works for you.This journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-love is not for the faint of heart. It can be excruciating at times but know this, you are not alone.

I will continue this journey on-line and I hope to write something on a regular basis to share with you the tools I have gained, the resources I use and to show you that this is a daily choice I make. Perfection is not what counts in this journey of self-love, but to accept and embrace the flaws, the mistakes and the messiness, because that is where all of our lessons lie.

I hope you can watch this video and find out your life purpose. But don't worry if those questions seem like too much, because if you're anything like me, it takes time to find those answers, and a lot of courage to acknowledge what's keeping us from living our purpose. If you can answer them that's amazing and incredible and I am so proud of you! and if you have a break down afterwards, tell me about it! lol I want to know I'm not alone either :)
 
Check out my new website shiftingperceptions.ca
Email me at shiftingperceptionsalanna@gmail.com
Find me on Facebook - Alanna Bergquist, Humboldt Saskatchewan

With love and so much gratitude,
Alanna