So I discovered a way to let my LOVE flow in moments when I don't feel so loving...
A few months back, I was standing in my kitchen it was about 8:30pm, Jessica (my 1 year old) was awake because she had a late nap. I was trying to feed her a snack and keep her happy in her chair, and this was the end of a long day, it felt like nothing was going right for me that day.
A few months back, I was standing in my kitchen it was about 8:30pm, Jessica (my 1 year old) was awake because she had a late nap. I was trying to feed her a snack and keep her happy in her chair, and this was the end of a long day, it felt like nothing was going right for me that day.
I had all this negative energy in me while I'm trying to prepare this snack, she’s crying like crazy in her chair because she’s now
starving since she slept through supper. So on top of having a shitty day I was feeling like a shitty mom.
My Inner Critic was whirling negative thoughts at me like:
“Why did I let her sleep so late? Why does she cry so much? What the hell is wrong with me?”
When she finally had something to eat and finally stopped crying, she was sitting in her highchair looking so cute and a song came on the radio - Let your Love flow by The Bellamy Brothers. I melted at her cuteness and I started dancing to the music in my kitchen. Jessie loves it when I dance; she was smiling and started bopping to the music in her chair like she often does. I kept dancing and singing and I noticed how awesome it was that I could make her so happy just by being so silly.
I realized that’s the key! My Inner Critic was whirling negative thoughts at me like:
“Why did I let her sleep so late? Why does she cry so much? What the hell is wrong with me?”
When she finally had something to eat and finally stopped crying, she was sitting in her highchair looking so cute and a song came on the radio - Let your Love flow by The Bellamy Brothers. I melted at her cuteness and I started dancing to the music in my kitchen. Jessie loves it when I dance; she was smiling and started bopping to the music in her chair like she often does. I kept dancing and singing and I noticed how awesome it was that I could make her so happy just by being so silly.
Stop focusing so much on what I think I suck at and
focus on what I am awesome at.
After dancing and singing to a few more songs I got a memory flash back to when I was in grade 6. I had just done one of my silly presentations at the front of Mr. Hubert’s class to entertain myself and the class, it was the one where I put my glasses on my hand and make my hand like a puppet and give it a funny voice and just basically be silly for 5 minutes. After class a friend came up to me and asked if I could do one of my skits for his friends at lunch time. His friends meaning the grade 7's OMG! The kids that were one WHOLE year older than me, and I got full of fear and I don't think I did the skit for them. Ever since then I remember being acutely aware that people might notice me and they could judge me and possibly think I suck. That scared the crap outta me. I did not believe that older kids would see me as anything other than a silly little girl with a stupid skit....
After dancing and singing to a few more songs I got a memory flash back to when I was in grade 6. I had just done one of my silly presentations at the front of Mr. Hubert’s class to entertain myself and the class, it was the one where I put my glasses on my hand and make my hand like a puppet and give it a funny voice and just basically be silly for 5 minutes. After class a friend came up to me and asked if I could do one of my skits for his friends at lunch time. His friends meaning the grade 7's OMG! The kids that were one WHOLE year older than me, and I got full of fear and I don't think I did the skit for them. Ever since then I remember being acutely aware that people might notice me and they could judge me and possibly think I suck. That scared the crap outta me. I did not believe that older kids would see me as anything other than a silly little girl with a stupid skit....
Since then I kept myself from showing too much of my silliness around people that I perceived might judge or make fun of me. I limited the risk of being judged/criticised/ridiculed, this cost me confidence in my ability to bring joy to others. That it was limited to the people I knew and trusted. I did not stretch outside my comfort zone and in turn created neural pathways in my brain that lead to me feeling threatened when I am vulnerable and show my true self to those I don't know.
We can create new neural pathways in the brain just by focusing on the good. By taking a deep breath, or doing a little kitchen dance and remembering, thinking about, or focusing on
all of the times in life when just being ourselves was all that was needed to do to
make a positive impact in someone else’s life.
This does not fix all of the problems in our lives or in the world, nor does it prevent other from judging and criticising. What it does is free the mind to shift focus to all of the other things in this world that ROCK! All of the amazing, miraculous, beautiful, funny, silly, IMPORTANT things that remind us how precious this life is and makes us feel grateful for being alive.
This does not fix all of the problems in our lives or in the world, nor does it prevent other from judging and criticising. What it does is free the mind to shift focus to all of the other things in this world that ROCK! All of the amazing, miraculous, beautiful, funny, silly, IMPORTANT things that remind us how precious this life is and makes us feel grateful for being alive.
Whatever you focus on grows, meaning you can see more and more
of whatever you put your focus on, whether it's how much you suck, or what an awesome dancer
you are! I mean you should see the moves this Momma has! lol
So I will continue to be grateful for this life I have and the beautiful people in it from the little ones to the elder ones and all that are in between. And will put myself
out there, I will SHOW UP, I will share my love, my gifts, my silliness, my advice, my words
that ooze sappiness and lovey-doveyness, I will because it's me.
And I encourage you to be you too, if what you are offering is not received well, that's not about you that’s about the other person. (Sometimes the hardest reflections to see are the ones that let us see ourselves in a loving, compassionate light, but that doesn’t mean we have to keep our lights dim to avoid making others uncomfortable.)
When we focus on love and shining our light, that's what grows in our heart and in our lives making this world more full of love and light.
And I encourage you to be you too, if what you are offering is not received well, that's not about you that’s about the other person. (Sometimes the hardest reflections to see are the ones that let us see ourselves in a loving, compassionate light, but that doesn’t mean we have to keep our lights dim to avoid making others uncomfortable.)
When we focus on love and shining our light, that's what grows in our heart and in our lives making this world more full of love and light.
Here's to letting your love flow!!
Much Love,
Alanna Banana
Do you ever get stuck feeling like a horrible person and can't seem to shake it? What's your best advice for all the people out ther struggling with the same thing?Alanna Banana
Check out my website
Shifting Perceptions.ca
Leave a comment below telling me what you think or drop me a line shiftingperceptionsalanna@gmail.com
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